The First Trimester

The stress of telling friends, family and my workplace that I'm now pregnant. This is how I remember the first trimester.
My Mom passed away on April 23rd, 2014. She was sick for so long (7 years) with Frontotemporal Dementia, also known as FTD. She had the semantic variant with Primary Progressive Aphasia. So, I hadn't heard her voice or a sentence for years before she passed away. I really miss my Mom's voice.
Anyway, I remember thinking that SHE would be the one person that would be ecstatic to hear of my pregnancy. She loved babies.
My Mom and Dad's marriage was the romantic love story that you always hear about. They met, fell deeply in love, and he took care of her in their home until she could no longer swallow on her own and passed away.
I remember being so afraid to tell my Dad I was pregnant. I'm not sure why exactly. I mean, I was 37 years old and had been married for 8 years. I think it might be the fact that I'm a "planner". I like to plan all things in my life. He's the same way. The fact that this was unplanned was a bit of a shock. My husband and I weren't using protection for 8 years, but I figured that since it hadn't happened yet, that my eggs must be ancient, old and shriveled up so it just wasn't "meant to be". Oh... how I loved to use that phrase all the time back then.
My best friend was so excited, she was 38 and had just had a little boy. By the time I was due (May 23rd, 2016) they would be one year apart. I think she at that point was imagining our children either being best friends (if it was a boy) or married one day (if it was a girl). I asked her so many questions - she was definitely my go-to person on all pregnancy symptoms in the beginning.
I experienced night sickness. I HATE throwing up, puking, vomiting - whatever you would like to call it. I'm one of those people that would rather be nauseous then throw up and get it over with.
I never once puked. But every night I would feel right on the verge throughout the first trimester.
I bought the book "What to expect when your expecting", I bought ginger candies, I bought gummy prenatal vitamins. I quit taking my allergy nose spray and inspected my new pregnancy app for all medications to see how they were categorized. I felt like I was being pretty responsible. Trying to take this all in stride. I had an OB recommended to me through my General Practitioner, whom she went to. I made an appointment at 9 weeks and 1 day and we got to see what everything looked like in there, in my belly. Tim, my husband was so excited to go to the ultrasound appointment. I remember that clearly.
Here's what we saw:

This was when things changed for me.
Seeing that little tiny bean in there with that big old head and tiny little foot sticking out.
I remember thinking "Wow... there's a little alien being in there!"
Of course I couldn't feel any movements until the 2nd trimester, so I spent the first trimester feeling a little claustrophobic.
I remember one night I got freaked out that I'm having to change my WHOLE LIFE for this baby. You have no idea how this thought haunts me now. There were so many thoughts that now haunt me. I have a whole slew of "Should have's" that I now live with daily. If I could only go back in time... there's so much I would change. And it would all be with me, how I think, and I would have given more love to this little alien being in my belly. I would have cherished every moment.